Hi! Yes, it’s Day 17 of my sober journey. No, there aren’t previous postings deleted, missing or hidden, Let me say for the record: I’m a Procrastinator. On Day 8 I thought: I should write a blog, reach out to others, reach into myself and Be Accountable for my actions to both you and me. So here I am. Hello.
Quick wrap up of Day 1 through 16: all was good. Ok it’s been tolerable. I’ve enjoyed being sober. Oh it was hard, don’t get me wrong, especially when I scraped the bumper of my new car backing into the garage. My first thought was: I need a drink. But some little voice inside me said “No you do not.” An argument ensued. The little voice won. Thank you little voice. I gave that voice a chocolate keto bomb that evening (think truffle, but healthier) for saving me from myself.
And maybe I chose today to start writing because today has been Hard. I’ve been energetic and motivated, happy and in a positive place for 16 days. Today? It’s been Hard. No ambition. No focus. No motivation. I love to walk, love to don my earbuds, download dozens of podcasts and walk-walk-walk five or six miles in one outing. Today? I could barely walk four. Four miles may sound like a lot to some but not for me. Something’s off.
As I was walking I came to a picturesque bridge down a quiet country road. I stopped to watch the brook below me meander over the rocks and stood to listen to the sound it made. I paused my pedometer, paused the podcast (on Motivation no less!) I wanted to listen to the peaceful sound of nature flowing along. I wanted to Focus.
Parallel to the iron bridge I was standing on was a trestle bridge and I heard the locomotive whistle blow its warning. I was upset it had disturbed my quiet moment with nature. As it passed I watched the freight cars go by. So many freight containers, sometimes stacked three high, and I thought: ‘Wow, that’s a lot of freight to keep track of. I wonder what’s in them? Where’s it going? How do they know where it goes once the journey ends?’ And the soothing wheels on the train tracks, click-click-click-Clack-click-click-click-Clack, were mesmerizing. I could have stood there and watched that train go by and listened to that soothing melody all day and was sad once the final car head on down the track.
So I wonder, is today a hard day because I don’t know if I have the motivation within me to keep from stumbling off this journey’s path? I certainly don’t know where I’m going. And how will I know when I get to my destination? And where will I go once I get there?
Well, thanks for taking the time to read my post. I hope to see you tomorrow. I know I’ll be here, because as the song goes “…the first days are the hardest days…” [~Grateful Dead “Uncle John’s Band”] Peace & Blessings.
My Dry Coaster 